And the big news this Fourth of July was not that the FBI isn't indicting Secretary Clinton (what they should do is indict the IT department and every senator and member of the Joint Chiefs who interacted with her since all of them by virtue of e-mailing her would have been aware of her non-government e-mail address)...
No, the big news is that Kaley Kuoco hates the United States of America. Kuoco, star of CBS's series The Big Bang Theory -- the story of four 50-year-old nerds who pretend to be in their 30s but act like they're in their teens -- tweeted an image that her doggy-sitter apparently took of one of her dogs squatting comfortably on an American flag.
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| Kaley Cuoco's Instagram via Page Six |
According to Fox News, the Internet blew up into a flurry so big you'd have thought her dogs were burning the flag. Which, by the way, is totally legal. (Well, I mean, there might be laws prohibiting dogs from using flammable materials, but aside from that...)
Kuoco has since penned a completely unnecessary apology. No, not for the ridiculousness of the Internet and the people on it, but for the carelessness of the photo.
Perhaps the people on the Internet will grow up as soon as The Big Bang Theory stars stop treating them like children.
In other news, Us Weekly offered a "Health Update" on Hayden Panettiere on their website. According to the publication's health consultants, Ms. Panettiere -- recently out of rehab -- is not wearing her engagement ring.
How exactly this is an update on the star's wellness eludes me, but then I'm no health professional. Not like those PhDs over at Us Weekly.
In Taylor Swift news...
Fourth of July
Tom Hiddleston
Bathing Suits
Hubba-Hubba
Tom Hiddleston
Fuck Kanye.
Us Weekly has also reported that PeTA has announced its sexiest vegans. Liam Hemsworth and singer Aiko win the prize (that prize being a tofu and hayseed pizza topped with alfalfa and ginger spice [Not the singer from the Spice Girls]).
Both celebs report feeling better since going vegan. Aiko herself stated: "It's a lot of work to live like that ... I have to work on it daily." Apparently, Aiko has never tried to steal a baby calf from its mother then cut it up into slabs of meat. That's a much harder work day, I'll tell you.
Us Weekly added that past winners of PeTA's vegan prize have been Ellen Page, Kristen Bell, Jared Leto, Jessica Chastain and Russell Brand. Yes, a vegan potluck orgy I think we'd all like to attend.
Marvel has announced that there's a new Iron Man. And it's a black woman. What will inevitably follow throughout the Internetiverse is a horde of "Iron Maiden" puns, comments, and headlines.
The story has something to do with Tony Stark -- who dresses as the iron hero whose powers come from his futuristic suit of armor -- whose attention is caught by a teen genius that builds her own Iron Man suit. And, um, she starts saving people or something I guess.
According to comic book scribe Brian Michael Bendis, in an interview with Time Magazine, Marvel has been "slowly and hopefully very organically adding all these new [diverse] characters to the Marvel Universe."
Yes, it's true. There's been a white blonde female Thor (formerly a white blonde male), a Muslim Ms. Marvel (formerly a while blonde female), an Hispanic Spider-Man (formerly an average brunette white male), and now a black Iron Man (formerly a brunette white male and then a black male and then the white male again).
It's like someone took the Marvel Universe to a diversity course at the corporate retreat and then waterboarded them until they changed all the familiar characters into characters they should've come up with 40 to 60 years ago.
Over in the DC Comics universe, Batman is still white, and doing away with all that gay talk by working with his bastard son (true story!), Superman is still hopelessly boring, the Flash is still fighting for the rights of the dozen or so super-fast people in society who are uncertain which bathroom in which they can zip and unzip, and Wonder Woman has finally come out of the closet from her island of Lesbos.
Hey, at least they're trying.
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