Taylor Swift Buys Porn Domains To Beat the Rush

This post contains naughty pixelated images.

 

If you want to protect your image, you better get crackin'!

 

CNN Money reported last week that pop singer and Kanye West whipping gal Taylor Swift has moved to purchase the domain names TaylorSwift.porn and TaylorSwift.adult.

 

While many considered this a wise move to protect her brand, the biggest surprise here is that she's already set up the sites.

 

Here's the home page, an image of a clearly nude and not at all phony photo of Taylor Swift, which we were shocked to find:

Taylor Swift's Porn Home Page

With such an enticing and sexy welcome, and intro to this story one would think is misogynistic, it seems obvious that what would follow are sensual photos of Ms. Swift.

 

 Well, that's where we shock you. That home page image is not the most incredible thing on TaylorSwift.porn and TaylorSwift.adult...Yes, the images inside are absolutely SCANDALOUS...

 

As a matter of fact, it's a...

 

KANYE WEST SCANDAL!!...

Seriously, does this surprise ANYbody?

 But she wasn't done with that obscene photo...

 

We're Pretty Sure That's Taylor Swift Servin' Up Some Hot Kanye Luvvin'

 

Apparently, the recently announced collab between West and Swift was not what we all expected:

 

Taylor Swift Has It In For Kanye
(or, as you can see, someone else has it in him)

 And, finally, Kanye pulling a Kim...

 

Kimye

 

We applaud Swift for this brilliant...positioning.

 

But before you think Swift's genius is limited to her creative song writing, her ability to protect her brand, or her skills with Photoshop, it seems good ol' Taylor has purchased other similar domains.

 

Clearly, she wants to have something to fall back on should the whole porn thing not work out...

 

Bid At CrappyDomain.eu for TAILORSWIFT.info

We're on the look out for other entertainers buying up their .porn sites.

 

So far, we've only found one. And we've already bought our 1-year subscription!...

 

-30-
 All photos used for parody purposes.

Catching Your Z's

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No One Shot At Lil Wayne's House, Police/TMZ Stunned

This just in, absolutely nothing is happening at rapper Lil Wayne's home in Miami Beach.

TMZ, for two days now, is reporting the breaking news that no one has been shot at Lil Wayne's house.

TMZ's staff must be absolutely stunned by this news that, at the home of a black man, a rapper, who deigns to live in Miami, absolutely no one has been shot, killed, or in any way murdered...since it was clearly worth slamming a banner reading "EXCLUSIVE" — if you can call using a 911 tape (also available on CBS4 Miami's site) released by Miami PD an exclusive — on the story and keeping it as a main feature on the website two days in a row.

Miami SWAT descended on the home after what turned out to be an instant of SWATting (wherein people prank call 911 with a crime heinous enough to get SWAT to surround their home). TMZ has been staying right on top of the lack of story since the moment that nothing happened.

The entertainment news and gossip site even displays a helicopter shots of the home, just to show their 'round-the-clock lack of surveillance will not go uninterrupted.

Z!TV will not have more details on this story since none will be forthcoming. TMZ, however, will continue to report on nothing.

This CBS4 Miami shot was not taken by TMZ...They Might Want You To Think It Was However

The Force A-Sleepens

Entranced Star Wars fans who were collectively hoping that the standalone Star Wars Spin-Off Disney said to come would focus on Boba Fett were completely oblivious today when Robert Iger announced the film would be focusing on a member of the Star Wars Rebels Rogue Squadron.

 

At a Disney shareholder meeting Iger announced the film, "Rogue One," which will star a woman everyone is pretending they’ve been a fan of all along. 

In the Star Wars universe, the Galactic Empire is ever expanding and, I dunno, making everyone act, like, a racially charged Earth stereotype (see Episodes I, II, III), and also blowing up planets. So the rebels, who are apparently small in number, have this little fighter squadron, so little in fact that they actually let fat guys named Porkins fight. I mean, seriously...Porkins?

 

The force is strong in Disney. Not only have they compelled fans to completely forget that the last three films were abysmal — so abysmal in fact they destroyed several careers and caused Lucas to sell off the series — but fans have actually forgotten about their dire need for a Boba Fett film.

 

"Rogue One" is due in theaters December 2016. The previously announced "Star Wars: The Force Awakens - Episode VII: Do Over" arrives this December.