Country singers Blake Shelton and Miranda Something released the following statement about their recently signed divorce papers: "This is not the future we envisioned ... it is with heavy hearts that we move forward separately. ... [W]e kindly ask for privacy and compassion concerning this very personal matter."
The first to honor this request was Us Weekly which went through their lives with a fined-tooth comb (around which some wax paper was affixed to turn it into some kind of kazoo-like instrument to form the beginnings of a Country jug band) and a bottle of moonshine (see, that's where you get said jugs for said band).
Us not only listed every single pet the couple is expected to split between their two households but they even included pets they apparently don't have (according to their own sources [and besting TMZ in the pet-info category]).
HollywoodLife.com was so respectful, not to mention "heartbroken," over the split, they analyzed every single appearance and Instagram post from the singers that they could gather up. And then, just to prove they were "really sad," asked fans if they "predicted ... [the] divorce." Because nothing shows you care about the feelings of a (former) couple going through strife than an Internet poll that asks how many people predicted the split. Also, a link on the home page to every intrusive, analytical, ball-busting Blake & Miranda article they've posted is another great way in which they show they care.
People magazine's website portends to have proof that Shelton has a sense of humor, using as an example this tweet from his Twitter account: "Just got off the treadmill. This calls for a drink. Bitch..."
The article detailing Shelton's "joke" not only links readers to two more articles (each posted within 24 hours of the first) about the most important divorce in the history of humankind -- and, yes, we're including Sonny & Cher, Don Draper & the young Megan FrenchieLeBleu, and of course Betty & Barney Rubble (the rumored affair with Shmoo was never confirmed) -- but People also links us to bios on both Shelton and petite blonde ex-wife
Fans were indeed shocked over the announcement. The couple had been together for a staggering amount of time -- four whole years. In entertainment industry conversion, that amounts to about 36 years to you and me. Add in the fact that both are Country singers, who probably had to listen to each other's music from time to time, and it probably felt like 50.
-30-
Photo used for parody purposes.
No comments:
Post a Comment