Lindsay Lohan’s New Boyfriend Gets Approval of Dina Lohan

One-time Disney icon, and former slave to sex-trade pimp Wilmer Valderrama, Lindsey Lohan is getting serious with her new boyfriend.

According to TMZ, Lindsay's disastrous mother has met, via Facetime, the mom of disastrous Lindsay's newest disastrous boyfriend — a disastrous Richie Rich of Russian import currently living in the U.K.

The Lohan mom indicates that the daughter for whom she’s made a ton of great decisions is now with the Cossack real estate developer, stating that they’ve "been in a relationship for a long time."

Utilizing Google's English-to-Hollywood translation option revealed the actual time to which "a long time" refers is as follows:

Figure 1. We went to Google's translation page...

Figure 2. We typed in the phrase to translate.

According to Entertainment Tonight, Lohan told the Sun newspaper that every time she has "been linked to someone," the press always opines that that man will help her with her alcohol/drug/parental/Hollywood/plastic surgery/ginger freckles/raspy voice problems. To which she says, "Fuck you ... I have done this for me. I take care of myself." Then she added, "They just set it up to fail." Proving once and for all that Mama June Lohan and Spouse Abuser of the Year — and Adderall spokesperson — Poppa Lohan hold no blame in the one-time leading lady’s downfall.

Z!TV of course wishes Lindsay the best and is sure that her rich Russian real estate mogul boyfriend is just as above board as every single Russian realtor we've ever met. Or every realtor we've ever met.


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