Leslie Jones has been terrorizing us all. Not only did she force upon us all of the online bullying she’s had to deal with, but she has dared to appear on TV, in movies, and even be a guest on Alec Baldwin’s Match Game ― the horror, the horror!
And now, now Jones has let herself be hacked by Internet interlopers who posted nude photos of her online. This woman has to be stopped. What’s the world to do about a problem like Leslie Jones?
Well, as we all by now, in an unlikely and surprising move, Isis has begun recruiting anti-LesJo fighters in their battle to stop efforts by both SNL and movie studios to appeal to black voters. Or something.
Most of this recruiting occurs online. They use carefully thought-out recruitment tactics, including images of Leslie Jones dressed as a Ghostbuster to sow anger and hatred; they compare her to Danitra Vance, stating she’ll be the end of “Live from New York!...”; they make grand promises, swearing that their small force of trained fighters will be able to rid the world of Leslie Jones; and the propaganda machine constantly reminds people that Jones is both black and African American ― at the same time! (Truly a case for conspiracy theorists...)
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(VIA @LESDOGGG)
Thinking she was Elton John for a day, doesn't even crack the Top 10 of Worst Things Leslie Jones Has Ever Done To The World...
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Since I, like yourself, absolutely believe every single thing I read online ― and I’ve yet to find a reason not to ― here is my 100% true, totally not made up, not-at-all stolen idea from David Letterman’s Late Night or Late Show, and completely on the up and up “Top 10 Worst Things Leslie Jones Has Ever Done To The World and To Me Personally.”
10. Took Millions of Dollars in Questionable Donations for Her Foundation.
9. Agreed to take a paycheck for a movie someone else wrote and cast her in.
8. Made Out With Julian Assange.
7. Existing On Earth As An Actor-slash-Comedian-slash-Hot Mamma in a Red Dress.
6. Refused to Eat Her Peas Even Though There Are Children Starving Around the World.
5. The Death of Hodor.
4. Pretended to be Her Own PR Person, Attacked Gold Star Families, Wants to Build a Wall on Mexican Border, Doesn’t Trust Mexican Judges, & Often Urinates on Homeless People “Just Because [She] Can!”
3. Created, Got Me Hooked On, Then Totally & Completely Ruined Pokémon Go.
2. While Living in the Old West, Once Shot A Guy Just ‘Cuz He Was a’Snorin’.
And the No. 1 Top 10 Worst Thing Leslie Jones Has Ever Done To The World and To Me Personally...
Didn’t Reveal Who Negan Killed!
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