Roger Ailes: “Fox is Awesome. What the F**k is Gretchen’s Problem?” – By Guest Columnist: Internet Troller

Roger Ailes, Former Fox News Prez and professional Jabba the Hutt impersonator, settled a lawsuit with former Fox News personality Gretchen Carlson who alleges Roger Ailes sexually harassed her.

As a result, Fox News has paid Carlson $20M, and she will receive an apology at some point by someone but probably not Ailes. To discuss this further, Z!TV has brought in guest columnist.

@CALEBRAPOPORT

Roger Ailes teaches Carlson the finer points of journalism

The columnist, Mr. Internet Troller, has other written work which can be found across the World Wife Web. It can been seen in the comments section under most CNN articles, on the Jezebel site, any web page about the recent female Ghostbusters movie, and via his myriad and very popular Twitter handles:
@F**KHILLARY,
@TRUMPISNTARACISTD*CK, &
@IMALWAYSRIGHTINSPITEOFFACTS.
He also wrote the above headline.

So please offer a warm welcome to Mr. Troller. I find it important to bring conservative voices to Huffington Post, and I would like you all to keep an open mind as you read about the world from this not-so-very singular point of view.

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Ima dive right in. Fox’s Gretchen Carlson’s harassment complaints have just gone too far. This whole thing was started by yet another overly sensitive female chick/wannabe power-player who just seems to find it too hard to work in a man’s world, a world where critical thought is absolutely the least important thing. She shouldn’t worry her pretty li’l head about such stuff. It’s the kind of thing we men have penises for, and, don’t you worry, we use them to do ALL our thinking.

As a typical 28 year old male Internet troller, I’ve been given the Z!TV column this week as a forum where I can offer all of the Huffington Post gays, Mexicans, and desperate 2nd-rate Jon Stewarts who want to lick Stephen Colbert’s pu--y some serious truthisms. There’ll be more isms than youll know what to do with. Yeah, I’m gonna ism all over you MFs!

(You might ask why did I get this forum. Because the f--kin’ guy who usually does these things is too busy pretending Hillary Clinton, a. doesn’t have an email scandal, b. actually has 40 years experience, c. doesnt have soma pulmonary disease that’s slowly killing her, and d. thinks she knows more about foreign policy than Matt Lauer can shout her down about, all while he tries to talk real Americans out of voting for the only sensible candidate, Donald J. Trump. Yeah, Trump. The main man who, at the NBC F--k Matt Lauer Forum, absolutely did NOT accidentally declare war on the OPEC coalition, didn’t accidentally give up classified information about our number of troops in the Middle East, didn’t correct a war vet – twice – on VA statistics, and absolutely did not at any point claim to not have a plan for not destroying the group that does not make up the group we call ISIS. In sum: MAKE AMERICA MORE WHITE MALE AGAIN!!)

HTTP://WWW.SCOOPNEST.COM/USER/TAHIRAMIRZA1/677880388665122816

A completely unfair representation of Jabba the Hutt

Back to what’s Ailin’ Fox — Feminism:

Carlson alleges she was harassed, saying Ailes and other men at Fox News acted inappropriately during her time working with the Fox organization. Ailes apparently branded her a “man hater.” Carlson took issue with this, but the fact is she did complain, so, yeah, that clearly mean’s she can’t handle it and has to hate men. Duh.

Here’s summa Gretchen’s lies: Fox’s Steve Doocy’s is said to have “man-handled” her by “pull[ing] her arm” to “quiet” her.

It’s like Gretchen turned libtard overnight! What does “man-handle” even mean!?

Doocy is a man, and as a man, he has every right to tell the woman who works under him to “quiet.” If he’d actually man-handled her in any inappropriate way, she would’ve gotten hurt. Were there bruises? No. Was her arm dislocated? No.

I mean, what’s he supposed to do? You can’t even hit a woman anymore without getting into trouble! But, think about it, as a man, his only option would be to “man-handle,” if he were to “chick-handle” her, he’d just be a big pu--y. Seriously. That is not – as she apparently stated in her interview with The New York Times – any kind of harassment. It is merely a

superior telling an underling to stop acting like she’s on the Red River raft adventure.

If it weren’t Fox News, and it was a company where women were allowed to be in charge, like, I dunno, say, Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop, and Carlson put her hand on Doocy’s arm to tell him all about the brand new hand-knit ovary cozies or whatever the f--k, do you think Doocy would’ve sued?

Answer: No.

And, just so we’re clear, this has nothing to do with Doocy’s illeteracy. Or his inability to understand climate change (WHICH DOESN’T EXIST! If climate change existed, would I be able to keep these 2 dead polar bears in my garage freezer?! NOT! (Stupid.))

Anti-Chauvinism:

Carlson has also suggested that Ailes, who – according to those idiotic Z!TV sources – has more than once been confused for Alfred Hitchcock’s corpse had it been drowned in snail mucus, occasionally asked to “see her rear” (as detailed by fag-factory NPR, which reprinted the lawsuit filing); he also purportedly (or is it purposefully) suggested Carlson and he should have a “sexual relationship.” 

I mean, jeez, what’s wrong with that?? First, women get upset when guys don’t make a move, and when they do, oh boo-hoo! It’s “sexual harassment”!!!

Annihilism:

Several good upstanding male men at Fox have immediately backed Ailes. And I believe them! These guys have been reporting fair and balanced news since before I masturbated to my first Jason Statham movie (BECAUSE OF THE AWESOME ACTION IN IT!). So, yeah, these guys are trustworthy.

First, Bill O’Reilly, a family man who probably only once dragged his ex-wife down some stairs by the neck and like maybe never suggested to a woman he rub falafel on her Venus caterpillar, totally said Ailes was nothing more than a “target.” Totally. I’m on the side of O’Reilly here and am really sick and tired of people trying to take advantage of white men in power who use their wealth to take advantage of others. It’s totally ridiculous! LEAVE THESE TRUE AMERICANS ALONE!

Then there’s Geraldo Rivera, who totally gets the man-code and stood by Ailes’ side. Rivera himself is a feminist and strong supporter of women’s rights in the work place. He defended Ailes by saying something like “I LIKE HIS C--K!” Although I’ve not confirmed that quote, it seems like something he’d say. It takes a real man to be able to admit you like a guy’s c--k.

And then there’s my favorite dude at Fox, a man who really trailblazed for the network. I was sad to see him and his way-out wacky haircut leave Fox News so suddenly recently. But, let me tell you, he will always have a place-setting at my Flag Day Cotillion Dance. Yes, I’m talking about Mr. Greta van Susteren – who labeled Gretchen a “disgruntled employee.”  

I can’t imagine any truer statement!

Summationism:

Thank heaven it took more than 20 years for anyone to make up this lame, butt-hurt harassment story. I think it’s smart of Fox to take its $20M of donations that would normally go to the current Republican presidential candidate and instead hand it over to Carlson as some walkaround money – it gets that b--ch off their backs. I mean, seriously, where is she gonna go to work? CNN? Might as well get a show on the CW. And she’s 50 for f--k’s sake! A woman working at 50 is like confusing Roger Ailes with a half-shark-eaten manatee carcass floating in an Exxon oil spill off the coast of the Great Pacific Garbage Patch. It would, and should, just never happen.

Now Ailes can focus on working with Trump, helping him beat HELLary at the debates.

According to The Washington  Post, Ailes is assisting Trump, giving the Donald a chance to focus on the important parts of debate, which stupid Lefties think is substantive stuff like domestic policy, foreign policy, economic comprehension and/or a grasp of leadership, but Ailes and Trump know the truthisms of it: It’s about “[good] speech lines and Clinton attacks”! These guys are real he-men!

(Above: A Young Roger Ailes  introduces best pal Donald J. Trump in his first presidential election bid.)




And that’s pretty much that.
BABA BOOEY!
Now back to the guy who usually writes this horse sh!t.

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Thanks, man. You’re a d!ck.

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